Gifts in the Breeze
by Tigerdust
Summary: Tosh really tries to be sensible, but looking back she knows better. Brief Tosh/Ianto. A gift for Ghostfish, who sent me down this line of thinking.


Emotion, well there is a dangerous word for you. That's why I try my best not to employ it, but let's all be honest with ourselves, I have no certain grip on that term. Which is vaguely unusual for me.

In the cog known as Torchwood; I am Tosh. No, maybe cog isn't the right word. That's why I joined; so I wouldn't be a cog. There are quite a few days I remember vividly around here. Like that day I met Jack and he offered me a job. It was a very Matrix moment. Can I use that word?

I was bored, for lack of a better word. The world was a mind-numbing place and I plunged headfirst into electronics to keep myself away from the bitterness of it all. I still blame emotion for bringing me to this place. Can't seem to get it all out of my head. Where was I?

Oh yes, I remember meeting Jack on the ledge of my boss' office. My legs were swinging over the sides. No, Toshiko was not thinking about jumping. Jack could read that in my eyes. What I was thinking about was breaching some horrid faux-pas in this world. I was going to fly. Others would have called me mad.

"It's cold out here, Toshiko. Maybe you should come inside."

"How do you know my name?" I turned from looking down and there he stood, cape billowing in the wind like one of those superheroes. Maybe Jack is the closest any of us get to superhero.

"I know a lot about you. Can we maybe shorten that name though? How do you like the sound of Tosh?"

"I hadn't really given it much thought."

He came to my side and looked down over the edge. "Long way to fall, don't you think?"

"I don't intend to fall." I thought he would have given me the look of a mad hare, but he just smiled with one side of his face very quickly and then let the lines fall back into his tan skin.

"I believe you. Very much so. But, myself, I'm more of an adventurer than a tester. You seem to be more of the latter."

"Well, I wouldn't have thought so this morning. But now I am sure." Jack sat down, allowing his legs to swing as well as mine had. I sat back down as easily as if this conversation were happening in the middle of a park on a windy autumn day.

"Mind talking about it?"

"Not much to talk about. Did you ever have one of those days where you just felt you snapped?"

"Oh yeah." Jack's earnest smile looked down with a bit of coyness about it.

"I can do things Jack. Things I shouldn't be able to do. I can make computers do things."

"That's why I'm here." Jack handed me a business card. "Think about how you want your life to be. If you want to learn to fly; I offer you a way to do it on your own terms." The only thing the card said was Torchwood, emblazoned in red. In a flash, he was gone. And I left the ledge the way I had came.

In the morning, I flipped the card over again, having called and quit my other job immediately. I didn't care at this point about unemployment. I had always been capable and strong. No, I sat eating my oatmeal and turning the card round and round when it began to change and an address began to form, as if it was melding to my thoughts and requests. I tried again, but it didn't change back. And I was suddenly slightly chilly.

Well, we all know how that interview went, don't we?

He told me about my psychic magnetic abilities, using terms like latent and superiority and even judgment. I was just amazed I continued to be able to sit and listen to it all rapt instead of just having myself enlisted in a nutter house. But he and I both knew when the pterodactyl didn't intend me any harm, that I was safe and welcome.

The technology of the hub and reverb kept me sane and my abilities in check. Jack assured me I'd never have to use them unless he absolutely considered it necessary. I asked if I would have been able to make myself "fly". He said the answer was more complicated than even he could explain, which I took as a no.

Then he died. And then he left. We were all heartbroken, but the only one able to show enough of it was Ianto. I had loved Ianto as a brother from the moment I saw him, even though I was neither Welsh nor could I stomach Welsh food. But we had grown a close bond, as only kindred spirits in an enclosed space could do. I imagine that if we had known each other at a larger workplace, we might have been a pair of "nodders"; just briefly acknowledging each other's existence. But the Hub made everything different.

I expelled most of my heartbreak over Jack patching up Ianto, who was filled with the questioning intensity of Jack's kiss. Words often broke into gibberish and some days he'd just lay about on the couch. Not even the sternest words or threats could move or motivate him. Not even the person that tried to replace Jack dared mess with Ianto. I, however, did what I could; forcing him to talk some days. I even saw his kitchen once, bringing him soup.

It's those days where I wonder about the courage to ask about Lisa, and why I never had it. How the two, three if you count Jack, the only man to love and acknowledge Ianto, of us had never talked about it didn't make any sense to me. I used my powers once for Ianto and haven't yet told Jack. I hope he doesn't read fan fiction.

Anyways, Ianto went through several bouts of violent depression in what seemed like a millennium with Jack away. Yes, if you must ask, there was a suicidal phase. But I won't tell you all the details; that's just indecent. What was irrepressibly worse was the mood swing phase. I found him one night atop the Millennium Plaza, drunk on ale and throwing cans about. He was almost hoping to go off to jail.

I did manage, to my credit, to talk him down but then he preceded to shut it completely. He shut me out and that infuriated me. I exploded at him.

"Do you think none of us are hurting? I'm bloody hurting too."

"Did he kiss you, Tosh?"

"Sod off of it, Ianto. I love you as a brother, but I must tell you that I can't take much more of this. The rest of us need comfort too, you know?" He was stunned.

"I'm s-sorry. I've done nothing but think of myself. In the dense forest of night, he was the brightest light I saw. After Lisa, it was almost like coming home again. Feeling something again."

"Yes, he had the habit of that, didn't he?"

"Did he ever tell you that you were special?" Ianto gulped heartily. It was a nervous sort of gulp.

"He meant that outside of the bedroom, right?" Ianto blushed.

"Yes."

"As a matter of fact, he did. But he said that he looked for special people for this line of work."

"What can you do?"

"I have a magnetic personality, you might say. What about you?"

"He rambled about mine; there was something about projection and emotion in it, but I wasn't sure what else. What do you mean, magnetic?"

"I can make normal computers do things, that's why I choose to be so near to them. But the Hub seems to be built as a sort of damper for it all. Jack found me musing about my ability, me thinking I could fly."

"I don't see how that would be so unusual? If you can magnetize the air or the ground, why not repel from it? It'd be almost as good as flight."

In those seconds that we worked together; we forget how foolishly unhappy we were. I hovered off the ground long enough for him to grab me and we went far into the night. He looked into my eyes and I into his. That was the only kiss we've ever shared, a kiss of healing. He looked up at the stars.

"You think he's out there?"

"I believe so."

"You think he'll come back?"

"Even more than I believe in those stars." He rested his head on my shoulder. I took him home and gave him some soup and rye bread for his semi-hangover and then I went home, and for once slept without crying.

So now, as I stand in the background and try and keep Ianto from losing what little sense he has left, I think about the night we flew. And realize, as Jack holds him, that he'll never need to fly with me again. A single tear stings my cheek.


End file.
